Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize