Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
