He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
