Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
