I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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