another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
