i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
