oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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