I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
