i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
