I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
