My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
