Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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