He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
