i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
