why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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