my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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