I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
