the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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