I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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