I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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