I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
