i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
