i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
