He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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