I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
