The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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