ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
