You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too much gin, very little bucket
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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