His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
