your room smells of hookers.
And success
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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