This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
