it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
