dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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