my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
