woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
