She went from zero to smokin in five shots
People in love make me want to vomit
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
