Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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