everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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