dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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