I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
