If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
