he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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