I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
