I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
