May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
