Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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