maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
