I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
