I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
