1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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