if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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