I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
