Nicole vs. Life
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
