vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
