just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
