There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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