he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
