There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
