i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
