I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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