I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
