Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
